The sky was red in the evening
All the doors were locked and barred
I stood up watching your window babe
But you were gone afar
I wondered why Magdalen
You didn't try Magdalen
To even love me or care
The village heard my lonesome moaning
And faces peared from every home
A pity showed upon those faces
That there's another boy alone
I sat down on your door step
Dreaming Magdalen
All your black hair and your name
I walked a long way to the pasture
A thick grass wilting in the sun
Gazing hopeless for your image baby
Wanting to free myself and run
I laid down in the grass there
I wen to sleep and I
I drifted to my Magdalen
Desire has been my misfortune
The beauty ?? has been my wip
Avoid that light that comes from Magdalen
She's the siren sinking ships
Now I see the chalice
Now I see the beacon
See the ?? a lonely man
The sky was red in the evening
All the doors were locked and barred
I stood up watching your window babe
But you were gone afar
I wondered why Magdalen
You didn't try Magdalen
To even love me or care
I wondered why Magdalen (x2)
She walks just like an angel
She talks in a velvet cloud
Her lips are milk and honey
And her everything, everything is so worthwhile
I need a little loving
I need it straight from the heart
But she decides to leave me
She smashes my dreams, tears my heart apart
But I won't give up trying
No I won't cause I must survive
I need, need her little loving
And you know without you baby I cannot survive
Yes she walks just like an angel
And she talks in a velvet cloud
Her lips are milk and honey
And she knows that everything, everything is so worthwhile
I need just a little loving
Just a little is all I crave
But what I get is not worth having
Oh come on baby, don't you know it's you I crave
Little old death is my friend
I'm waiting for him to arrive
He'll arrive at my door about nine
And take me away for good
Little old death is my friend
He will take me and smile
He'll arrive in a coach and four
Oh little old death
Wonderful death
Oh little old death is my friend
Oh!
Oh!
Old age, when will it happen to me? (x4)
Happen to me? (x4)
Yes, old age, when will it happen to me?
Old age, well, it gets very close (x3)
Coming nearer, nearer and nearer
Old age, when will it happen to me? (x3)
Oh I'm getting old
Sitting in the larder without any food
Out any food (x2)
Ooh! Oh! This is...
Oh I'm getting old
Oh, I look out across the vegetation and me mother, oh, I remember me mother, she was lovely, me grandson he's, he's about, he's in the Navy, you know, a beautiful boy, I've got pictures of him all over me walls, and oh me daughter well, well she works you know she's a... well she's a worker anyway, she's a very good worker, oh and it's my time soon, oh give it to me, oh
When?
Old age, when will it happen to me?
When will I become ninety-three?
Old age, when will it happen to me?
When will I become ninety-three?
Ninety-three!
What an age! (x2)
It's a good age you know, oh yes, you don't get many ages like it, when I'm ninety-three I really will be ninety
Old age, when will it happen to me? (x2)
Oh when will it happen to me?
It's happening! Oh I'm getting older, oh, mind the step! Oh, watch out, oh watch out, watch out for that step, watch oh, the washing's hanging down
Oh old age, it's happening to me, me mother's never bothered about it, oh
When we go on our holiday
When we go on our holiday
We have so much fun, we play
On the promenade all day
Wearing hats with the Cisco Kid,
Going to the bingo, making our bids
Fur boots and leopard skin every night
Wearing our sequins, oh what a sight
Tomato and boiled ham out for tea
Mrs. Baxter, she likes me
Up to the top deck of the bus
Get a free ?, that's enough for us
When we go on our holiday
We are happy every day
We have waited for so very long
To have two weeks by the sea
To have two weeks by the sea
I am a landlady, I see them all
Fat ones, tall ones, thin and small
Some with their children, some with their mothers
Some with their fathers, some with their brothers
Their bucket sounds like a ?? sand
Little white plimsoles, hand in hand
Down we go to the market square
And eat candy floss
And eat candy floss
Toffee apples, toffee apples, oh what a treat!
Then you can smell your father's feet
For the very first time you see your mother nude
You didn't mean to, but after all
You're on holiday
It's three in a bed
Three in a bed
Three in a bed
Or four in a bed
Newcastle brown and we all fall down
We have a good time on our holiday
Club Rondo
(spoken)
Welcome gentlemen, to the Club Rondo!
Arty and all, arty entertainment industry
It's fun and spills, fun and thrills, this is the Club Rondo! Come in!
????? inside, there's nothing to fear
We have to get close to the girls without touching
My name's Norma, I work here
I dance nightly, oh what fun
All the men look at me as I go 'round
And they all say, "What big ones she's got!"
I do a dance called the Wobble
I do a dance called the Split
And all the men, they are waiting for one thing
And that's to see me strip
Now, my father doesn't like the idea
But the money's very good
So, who can argue with Fifty pounds a week?
If you can offer me anything better, I'll do it
Now my name is Alfonso
I'm the ? and owner of this place
I make quite a lot of money
Since I moved down here from space
I may be a little bizarre in my antics
And the town council may hate my guts
But I make all of the money
(spoken)
Hey! Hey Stan!
Perhaps we ought to go in here
It looks like a good place to have some fun
Oh look at it!
I'm not goin' in there
It's run by a Maltese!
No, it's not, it's not Maltese, no
Yes, it is, I've heard all about it
Very dubious, very dubious...
No, come in now, we only go on our holidays, what is it, once a year
You don't get the chance to see this kind of stuff where we come from
No mind if they're Maltese, they're strippin' and they're live and we can have some fun
Hello gentlemen, this is the Club Rondo!
Tonight we've got some ????
And we're really gonna have some fun tonight!
Our bunny girls will be coming 'round to offer you light refreshment and ? edible, but first of all, before we start, a word from our compere, Jackie Dennis. Come in, Jackie!
Hello, the name's Jackie Dennis and I'd like to do a song, well, it's only a little song, but I think it's going to be a big hit. Here we go!
(Jackie sings)
Watch all the girls dancing
They're all having fun
You're out on your holidays
So, you'd better put your blues on the run
(spoken)
Well, I'm stuck for words. I've come here, I've paid me money, I've seen it all. That Norma--my goodness, what a form! What a form she's got! Mind you, I don't go for them Maltese
(sung)
I saw the night on my lights when I looked at Delilah
I saw the flickering shadows caressing her brows
Why, why, Delilah?
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight!
Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop
Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop
Lollipop, lollipop, lolli lolli lollipop
Oh I wonder, wonder who, I wonder who
Who wrote the Book of Love?
Who wrote the Book of Love?
(spoken)
Well it's been a good... Hey?
Have we had a good time, Bobby?
Yes!
A really good time?
Yes!
Come again next year?
Yes!
We'll go to Mrs. Baxter's
Yes!
What do we have there?
Yes!
Ham and chips?
Yes!
Everything we want
YES!
Don't you say anything else but bloody yes?
YES!
Ah, that's the trouble, you know
I'm burdened down with bloody cretins
A lot of ?? where I come from
I like it here, it reminds me of show business and Las Vegas
(sung)
I wonder, wonder who, I wonder who
Who wrote the Book of Love?
Bingo, bingo, I'm in luck!
(spoken)
Stop the music!
Stop the music!
Stop the music!
Hey! Rondo, stop the music!
Get that Norma on again, let's have her on again. She was bloody good, better than them other three, what was her name? Patrice, from the Lebanon, I don't know
What a lot of trouble I go to, to ???
Yes!
Yes!
(spoken intro)
Hello,
I'd like to do a number now that... well, I first did this when I was a child of about twelve...since then, I've grown up a little, got to understand the meaning of the words and...now, really, this song is my life, it really...it really sums up all I believe in...
Brandy in my tea
A drop of water
The little host is walking by
London in the moonlight
And you and I in love
Looking at the sun
I see a great paper ball
Little ships of love
All my love starts to fall
All the ?? above
Tell we're in love
I've got brandy in my tea
A little more
Yeah!
I want all you workers to have a good time
I want them all to fall in line
I want them to do as I say
'Cause I don't want them to know
You know I am not a dictator
Although I like my own way
I'm going to rule the world
I like to have my say
I'm your dictating boogie boy
Down from Scunthorpe now
(spoken)
Sprechen sie Deutzsche!
Now he was somebody, that Hitler, you know...my goodness, he was a swine! All our boys went down there, you know, to keep the world free. My goodness, he'd got some rotten plans from us if he'd'ever come over here. Course, Churchill would have been the first one he'd have got, you know...all them with money ??. All us working class, we'd have been in factories, oh yes, we'd have been working very hard you know but we'd have been very poorly paid and when we got old he'd have liquidated us...nice thought, isn't it? Eh? You don't know who Hitler is, my goodness, you're ignorant! Oh, everybody's heard of Hitler. He's that little man with the moustache...you've seen him! Looks a bit like Charlie Chaplin. He died, you know, in a bunker, in a big bunker. Did he? Good gracious me! He was with him as well, you know, that Goebbels. And then there was Histler, Himmler, whatever his name was. He had, ah, I heard a rumour he had glass eyes or something. Mind you, they were a funny lot, they were Goering as well. He was something to do with the Luftwaffe...You mean you've never heard of the Luftwaffe? My goodness, where have you been? How old are you, forty eight? Bloody hell, what school did you go to? You must have been living in a tree all your life. What? You have been? Oh, I'm sorry then, I didn't know you were a nature boy. Anyway, it's about time you got back to reality, this fellow Hitler's been dead a long time, but there's a lot of 'em like him about, you know. There's still a few Hitlers, a few little Hitlers...there's that chap in Germany now, you know, Adolf von ?? . He's one of the new breed. And then there's that chap in Indonesia, Jakarto, he used to wear a face and the brown face he's got. What, that's libelous? Ah, well...I don't put up with his kind...it's ridiculous is what it is...I don't put up with it! Filandering dictators
Well tighten up, you're in England now
You'd better tighten up, you're in England now
They don't stand for dictators
They don't stand for evil no how
You better tighten up, we got a good parlament here
You better tighten up, we got a good parlament here
Ain't no bribery or corruption
You ain't got nothin' to fear
This is the Land of the Free, everybody here gets paid
This is the Land of the Free, everybody here gets paid
You can queue at the Labour Exchange
Man, you're made!
If you're black, if you're brown, yellow or blue
Come to England, that's the thing to do
You want to come here
Tighten up and come along inside
There'll keep a welcome in the valleys
You're gonna be alright!
Does anybody know... "I Left My Heart in San Francisco"? Anybody know it? No? He does it, you know...Bennett. He's with that trumpet player, he's with that trumpet player Bobby Packet. Bennett and Packet, quite a combination. Does anybody know any marches, then? He were good, Souza...Souza, what was his name, Souza, John Phillip Souza, the march king. Aye, that's it, that's a march...now, this is what... now I was talking earlier about Hitler. Now he was a big one for marches, wasn't he? In fact he got all the people mesmerized...with his marching tunes. Here's one of them:
Hitler Youth!
Rise up!
No more pettifogging or libelous behaviour!
Hitler Youth!
Rise up!
No more scandalous artistic fantasies or ludicrous pressures from unknown sources!
Hitler Youth you'd better rise up!
No more bourgeoisie pretenses or nonsense about factotums or flippancy!
In fact, Hitler Youth, rise up!
And march for the Fatherland through all the Slavic territories and other places wherein persons live of dubious character!
In fact, we will march!
Bavaria!
Bavaria!
Land of the Free
Land of the Free
Land of the beer
And Land of the knee bob
Bav--oh, I can't go on with this, it's ridiculous. Anyway, this is how they did it, no, this is genuine, they did go on like this in Hitler Youth and in fact I'm warning you against it.
Bavaria. Think of it. Bavaria
You sure you don't know that Francisky...Francisco, that Bennett sings it. I don't know his first name, I think it's Don, Don Bennett. Anyway, I'll, I'm going home now, so if you remember that tune by Bennett, ah, drop 'round our house, my mother'll let you in, she's got her key, and, ah...come in, you can use me...no, anyway...I'm interested in people who know it, there's not many people who know that tune, Francisco. It's by Bennett, anyway. Goodnight! Goodnight
Where you going to?
You seem to be on your way
Blossoms on the road
Winter's on its way
River's all dried up
Leaves fallen all off the trees
Turnin' blue 'till your nose ??
Freezin' to your knees
Where you going to? x3
You've left the city
You've left all the dirt
You've come to the country
You've got brown on your shirt
You know the frogs hate you
The cows stare at you
The horses and the big white ?
They don't give a damn for you
Where you going to? x3
Any day now
The sky will fill with light
Maybe the Saviour will come
And make everything alright
But until then you must hide
In the barn by the stream
Hope to find your country place
Hope to find your dream
Where you going to? x3
Andy went away
Andy made some hay
Andy thought he could be free
Escape from the city
Dressed himself in leaves
Wore straw in his hair
Tried to escape the winter
Have sunshine everywhere
Have sunshine everywhere
But you can't escape
You know it's true
You'll always need an old back door
You'll always need a grate with a flue
You'll always need a cracked chimney
You'll always need a big fire
You'll always need your grandmother near you
Moaning by the fire
Where you going to? x3
Where you going?
I've seen the robes and I've seen the candles too
I've seen the paper, seen the ? and I've seen you
You're standing on the church yard
Your face all white with love
You think you have the key to mankind suffering
But don't you think I've suffered enough
You think you know how to go
You think you can have a world without any fun
But here I come and I don't believe like you
And a man in the sky wih a beard
Her you come again, you've got a big cross
It's a plastic and brown and wide
You have a device that you pull over your bedhead
It makes it wink in the night
And the saviour's on you bed spread
Yeah I'm gathering steam on the ??
??
And I'm in my home where I don't know where I'm coming from but I've got to go
Got to get away, right away, right away
I've got to get away, right away around here cause I can see
Cause I can see
I can see they're watching me wherever I go, wherever I go
I know they're watching me over the wires
Watching me down the lane
If I got out to pick flowers, they're driving me insane
They're by the duck pond, looking down at my legs
They're looking in the water and they're starting to beg
They're saying to me, what am I gonna do
Help you out, I don't know if it's true
You don't love me at all (x2)
You're just the one that tortures my mind
In a big white boat sailing round the sea
I'm gonna float on a great big boat
I'll get away from here
It's a country graveyard all brand new
With a great big terrace all colored blue
And I'm out in a coat saying how do you do
Come in inside and see what you can do for me
Pull on this bed and see what you can do
Put it on your head and see what you can do
You can't worry too much cause you don't know what to do
I think it was Saturday he started to act very strange
He started to stick his head out the window and shout at the trains
We all got very worried by Sunday andwe called in the doctor
He said... I think he's got something I ... I think it's schizophrenia
Or something
Now I don't want you to worry mother because I think he's going to be alright
If we put him in... you know where, I think he'll be out by a forthnight
There's not much wrong that a few pills can't put right and...
Don't worry about him, you'll be able to sleep at night, won't you?
Well I'm his mother you see, I mean, you worry about your son, don't you?
Anyway, I signed a few forms and I put me coat on and we got on the bus
It was on Monday morning and we're up there by... ten o'clock or something like that
And I ?? him in and he was crying a bit but did'nt talk much
Just said "You know I always wanted to be a train guard, mother? I'm sick of being an acountant"
Well I suppose if you're a child it's alright being a train guard but I mean ?? folks would like to have a bit of status in life
I mean his father is only a painter and decorator, I mean you expect the next generation to be one...
One stage up as you might say
Anyway, he's in there now
I'm going to see him tomorrow, that's Tuesday
Bring a bag of sugar and a bit of tea
I took his tea square upthere but don't seem very interested
He's a little withdrawing, on the quiet but...
The men from the office have been very good you know
Theu had a collection for him and...
Bought him one or two books, magazines
The doctors are very nice
I wish I could climb
Out of this room
Enter into a brand new world
Build my own tomb
Choose all the colors
But I know I can't
People want me to be what I'm not (x2)
I used to go out at night
I used to walk the great wide streets
I used to think of all the things I wanted to do when I was asleep
But all the time my head ached, had this thing in my mind
Better to be happy than have money, be half blind
But my mother said No
And my father said No
You've got to study at school cause if you don't you'll be a fool and the neighbors will laugh
My father he's nothing he never pretented to be
And I'd give all I have in the world just to be as he
It's a sad sad story
But I've decided to retire
I decided to run away
Put out my fire, hide away
In some great room for a year and a day and a day and a day and a day
How's your Jack?
Oh ?? he's coming on well now
He's... he's passed the worst I think
He was always a funny sort of lad, weren't he?
Ah he was yes!
But, I don't know, he's getting old and he's probably getting a bit more sense you know
Ah, looks like his father, don't he?
Ah, that's Jack
You know, where he is now, the doctors are very nice
Well you'd better leave me alone here
I don't want to hear you no more
I'm alright where I am
Leave me here and don't bother me no more
I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright here
You'd better not bother me with your shouting
Your noise is all in my ears
I don't want to hear your rattle and your taunting
I don't want to hear your boos and your cheers
I'm alright by myself, I'm alright, I'm alright here
Well the world seems a great bundle of noise
It's a fact woman I ain't got no choice
But now I found a little place where I can be
Oh it's quiet and it's right by the sea
Don't bother me baby, I'm alright here, I'm alone
I'm on my own, oh yes
I could do anything I want here
I can play in the sand all day and throw stones at the sea gulls as they float by and pull grass up and kick sand about and oh wear my swimming trunks and wear wellingtons when I want to and oh yes I can play marbles now cause nobody can say I'm not a child and I don't have to conform to any regulation, patterns of so-called behaviour and I'm very happy here, I've got a nice little house and it's got no light but who needs electric light and I don't really drink water anymore so I'm not bothered about the lack of a tap and I'm so happy here you know, the city is... is so boring really, basicaly and a lot of people tell me that I'm a fool and I want to go, you know, somewhere special where people like me go but never mind I'm happy kicking around in the sand and pulling up the grass and speeding at the cows and trapping blue waffles in jam jars anyway
Oh don't you bother me here
I have nothing to fear now
I'm as happy as a little boy
I'm clapping my hands and I'm full of joy
Don't you bother me, don't you bother me now
Oh no!
Well I'm as happy as I can be
I'm living in a little house by the sea
And I don't have no uncles or aunties bothering me, no
Oh there's no big wheels and I don't have to feel my way around
So here you are, the solutions to your problems is my solution to my problem, that is leave if you have to or go away somewhere and maybe preferably by the sea but if you can find a high tower, go there and sit on the top and let the wind strike you in the face or if you like you can go... well underground yes where it's well heated and you know there's plenty of light and you know, all the rest of those nice things that go with, anyway, freedom or something like that, anyway I'm going now, I'm going back to deal with the sand and the grass and the cows and of course there's the lobsters to contend with and here we go and goodnight everybody and...
I have a house in the country, it's very nice
It's a got a lot of little towels and there's rooms all around
Andthe bathrooms are very nice
And there's palm trees in the garden and there's pear trees on the lawn
And I wear a velvet coat, on my head is a shawl
Now the local villagers, they are not content with me
They think I am a monster, a man from another land
They think my mother was a witch
And she went hand in hand with the Devil on a Saturday night
They think I keep bells in my larder and ?? in my maze
And they like to see my rooms at night when they're all in bed
The curious folk, they have a strange sense of fear
Now the villagers are hazy, they do not really know me well
They don't realize I'm lonely, I'm as lonely as Hell
But I count my candelabra and I polish at my shoes
And dream of friendly faces bringing me good news
If I only had a gardener, he would be able to clip my hedge
If I only had a buttler, he would answer my mail
If I only had a maid, she could bring me tea in my great big brass bed
If I only had just a little time, I'd make friends with all the villagers
And invite them to tea (x2)
To come and see that I'm quite well
I mean no-one no harm and my father and my mother
Who live somewhere below are quite well
And that my sister who they thought went away to America is really quite well
If I could only get into touch with people
If I could only get in touch with people (x2)